I'm Back
Well, it's been a while since I've blogged, so I figured I'd blog again. I was hoping someone out there would be reading what I say, and that someone would comment on it, but I don't seem to be getting many of those. Oh well, it shows how unimportant I am to most of the world. Not that I care if I'm unimportant, so long as I'm important to a few, but a guy can hope, can't he?
Anyways, yeah. Quite a bit has happened since last I blogged, but at the same time, nothing has really happened. De bought a pair of adorable little hamsters on Friday, but since her parents won't let her keep them in the house, my brother and I get to take care of them until she moves out. I don't mind, they're great to have around the house (snowball, my hamster, gets neglected a little methinks), but they are constantly hiding in their new roomy living space, and I can never find them! It must be nice to be a hamster.
I took my first test in PHIL 150 on Friday, I don't know how I did yet and I probably won't know for two whole weeks, but I think I did pretty well. I'm certainly glad that we are done talking about pornography, but I'm not looking forward to March 17-18 when I have three midterms over two days! *hides like a hamster* Maybe the snow will keep coming and I won't have all those classes. I've gotten to miss a bunch of classes recently due to snow.
All right, here we go, onto the really deep stuff. I was online last night, and an old friend of mine was also on AIM. He used to drive a bunch of us off to Navigators (he still drives my brother home) before I graduated, and I hadn't seen him in a while much less talked to him. Anyways, he guessed who I was because he didn't know me from my screenname. We still didn't get to talk much because he had to get to sleep (so did I really, this was 12:30am), but I did notice a link to a blog in his profile.
Now, this guy was/is a leader in the Navs group, and I looked up to him, thinking that I wanted to have the kind of fire and spirit and heart for God that he had. He always had great stories about what God was doing in his life, and the enthusiasm he publicly showed for his faith was refreshing. Yet, as I looked through this blog (there were only maybe five entries), I saw a totally different person. This person struggled as I did. This person did not have the perfect relationship with God. He fought to hear God speaking and leading in his life. These are many of the same things I fight with, at times not feeling God's leading, not being confident that I was in God's will, and struggling with my prayer life and one-on-one relationship with my Lord.
I have fallen into a bit of a rut in my spiritual life. I have not been attending church, not praying as much as I should be, not reading the Word as I should be. Yes, these are things I need to return to, and this God's help, I plan to. However, it was helpful and motivating to see that not everyone, even the people who seem to have it all together, come by these things easily. They have to fight against themselves to maintain a healthy relationship and passion and faith in God. I hope and pray that I can regain the strength to fight for myself again.
Mmm... Banana!
Thoughts directly from the mind of OTiK @ 1:40 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Nic! :)
Wow, that's amazing! What you said is something I have been learning and realizing a LOT lately. I used to look to people for examples of how to be a Christian. Now, in moderation, this is good. But I used people as my one example. I didn't really read the Bible and pray about how to do things. I just followed others instead because they seemed so much more perfect than me. In the last year, the church I go to for yg and greatly admire has fired both their senior pastor and worship pastor because they didn't like the idea that these leaders "challenged" their faith. My Senior High youth pastor, the man I thought had it most together, had to quit because of marriage problems, and my old Jr. High youth pastor turned away from God and hates him now because he got into an almost fatal car accident. Tough stuff.
Anyway, all that to say I totally understand and God's showing me the same stuff right now. I'm totally praying for ya Nic! *hugs* Lemme know how things go! :)
In Him,
<>< Christi <><
P.S. And I do read your Blog.. Very good stuff! ;)
what a gem the internet is. as i am wasting away a free-saturday afternoon, i decided to “next-blog” around and meet a few neighbors. after several amusing and one scary ones, i stumbled across you. and i just wanted to let you know what a blessing it's been. isn't it great to be like-minded in Christ. and not just with the Christians we know?
what you were sharing about how we present ourselves is something that has been on my heart for the past 8 years. it's a lot of the reason why i blog. it started when i was going to a great bible school, and i looked around and saw all these great christians. then someone would suddenly drop out, and we'd find out enough to realize a lot had been going on with them. i remember conversations with friends about transaparency, and not wanting my "got-it-together-facade" to turn away someone in need.
i've tried to live these past 8 years honestly. it's a funny line to walk--how do you let people know you are human without puking your humanity all over them? the truth is, i don't have any secrets in my closet that i wouldn't bring to light--the fact that i'm 28 and still haven't finished college, unemployed, bi-polar, etc. my confidence comes from Christ and being forgiven for my mistakes. but i also want to represent all that i am in Christ. sadly, my mistakes have taken away some of the sheen, but the resulting patina has it's own beauty. does that make sense?
anyway. God has been working mightily in my life lately. for me, part of that was admitting that i wasn't super-christian. i make it sound like i had a choice:) i didn't just stumble, i fell flat on my face! i was the "sunday school teaching, wednesday evening leader, organizer of youth events" person for my church. i was raised not to complain and to say ”yes” when someone asked for help. i was doing all the right things, but now i realize not by the right means. i was trying to do what i thought people needed, and God let me, to teach me a remedial lesson on His Way. i had been giving to others from my own store of strength, instead of tapping into God’s unending supply. church had become work. i was neglecting His Word, ignoring His Spirit, and i was trying to serve someone i wasn’t even talking to.
for me it's always been easy to do "the Lord's work", it's always been hardest to work on myself. and right now i'm finding a lot of peace in giving myself time to get my footing before i try to help others. i'm relearning the joy of my salvation! i went from barely opening my Bible enough to plan lessons, to thirsting for His Word. i've always prayed, but i have a renewed desire to talk to my Lord. and i’m learning to listen for His daily guiding. my biggest fear is tomorrow. because i know this is an ongoing process that only i can choose to continue. well, i’ve certainly made myself at home! again thank you very much for sharing. i’ll keep you in my prayers and look forward to your future posts!
p.s. i actually just now read the opening to this post. well, still think others find you unimportant;) as for the world, keep hoping, who knows what God’s plan is for you!!!
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